respect

Respect, Part 1: A Man’s Core Need

Tuesday, October 14th, 2008 | Life | No Comments

I’ve been listening to a series of messages from Liquid Church titled Love and Respect based on the book of the same name by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It looks at Ephesians 5:33 and discusses the fundamental things that at their core, every person needs, and how for men and women, what’s at the top of that list differs.

For women, the need to feel loved, protected, and cared for is critical. She needs to know that her counterpart loves her deeply and would go to the ends of the earth for her. The unconditional love that Christ shows the church, enough to give His life for her, is what women need to see reflected in their own relationships.

Men, on the other hand, do not require that kind of love as much as they need respect.

In one national study [in 2004], four hundred men were given a choice between going through two different negative experiences. If they were forced to choose one of the following, which would they prefer to endure?

a) To be left alone and unloved in the world

b) To feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone

Seventy-four percent of these men said that if they were forced to choose, they would prefer being alone and unloved in the world.

- Love and Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

3 out of every 4 men would rather be alone and unloved, without a single person in their lives, than be looked upon by multitudes with scornful and disrespectful eyes.

If the key to a man’s soul is respect, what exactly does that mean? It’s a concept that our culture doesn’t seem to comprehend as adequately as it should. The Amplified Bible expands upon Eph. 5:33 and the idea of respect like this:

And let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him.

Notice that love is included in that definition, but it is the acknowledgment and admiration of who he is at his core that a man craves and thrives on. And it’s regardless of how badly he’s screwed up or if he’s even worthy of respect. Unconditional respect is the fuel for the fire of a man’s soul and has the ability to stir something in him to bring out the best of his character.

A perfect example of this is the interaction between David and Saul in 1 Samuel 24. At this point in time, King Saul loathes David and wants him dead, because when he heard that God had anointed David as king, from Saul’s perspective, all respect was gone, he had nothing left. Saul found out David was hiding in En Gedi, so he brought thousands of soldiers to kill him. He went into a cave to “relieve himself”, which happened to be the cave David and his men were hiding in. David realizes that even though Saul is practically insane and wants David dead, he’s still the King, so when Saul’s done peeing and leaves the cave, David follows him and shows him an incredible amount of respect, bowing down before him, knowing full well that his life was at risk. The effect this has on Saul is profound; it’s like he woke up from something and regained his confidence and self-control (think King Theoden in Lord of the Rings when Gandalf breaks Saruman’s curse. Same idea.)

David demonstrates the concept that God has placed people in positions of authority, and because of that fact, respect must be given to them, even if they do not deserve it. I suppose a prime example of this would be President Bush. This is a man who’s seen the harshest, relentless criticism thrown at him from all sides. And granted, some, if not most of that criticism is probably deserved. But the man is still the President of the United States, the leader of the most powerful country on Earth, a position we, I might add, elected him to, and so he deserves our respect and honor, our personal feelings about his deeds and actions aside.

Respect, the currency of a man’s self-worth, confidence, and spritual and mental well-being, must be given uncoditionally if he is to grow and thrive.

Next time we’ll take a look at some concrete examples of this concept in popular culture.

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