If I had the love of my life, and she was lost, like Mal was, I would probably put myself in the same position: trying to maintain that happiness no matter what the cost.

It’s tragic, but it’s an incredibly powerful bond, that even death can’t overcome.

I ordered, and a short while afterward this woman came and sat down next to me (not like that, it was the only open seat). She ordered a glass of wine, and sat quietly. When she finished, the bartender asked if she wanted another, but she declined because she didn’t have any money. Turns out she had her wallet stolen earlier in the day. shortly after finding out that her friend had stage III breast cancer. The bartender was a good guy and gave her another glass on the house. (Props to you, Dan.)

I chatted with her a bit as I ate. It was pretty obvious that she needed someone to talk/vent to, so I’m glad I could help in some small way.

It gave me some good perspective, though, in that my day really wasn’t all that bad. Some stress at work, but nothing overwhelming, and I was there enjoying a delicious burger and some tasty bourbon. All in all, a good day when viewed on the right scale.

(Photo courtesy David Wise)

My current working theory is as follows, and is up for peer review:

Summary

When a guy begins a relationship (as acquaintences) with a girl, there are two endpoints that relationship can reach: close friends (like a sister), or a romantic interest (RI). At the beginning, those two paths are the same, but at some point in the relationship, they diverge, and one must be chosen.

1.  Introduction

Typically, when a single guy meets a woman he finds attractive, a slew of thoughts run through his head:

• “Wow, this girl’s cute.”
• “She has impeccable style.”
• “Her hair’s very pretty like that..”
• “Boobs.” -- (Yes, this happens even to the best of us. It’s a base instinct. And ladies, don’t think of it as degrading, but rather, complimentary.)
• “Beautiful eyes…”
• “I wonder what her name is.”
• And so on and so forth.

All of this happens before a single word is said. Then the two are introduced, and start a conversation.

2. Evaluation

At this point, the guy begins evaluating the girl as to whether she’s a potential RI. He looks for certain factors that could make or break the decision:

• Does she have a ring on her finger? (If so, steer clear of RI territory. Trust me, even if she’s into you, you don’t want to be the cause of a divorce.)
• Is she here with a boyfriend? (There’s a bit more leeway here, but you still don’t want to be the guy who steals another guy’s girl. That’s just low. Wait ’til they break up, or move on.)

Once she passes the Single Test™, he starts looking for signs she might be a good match for him. This tends to vary from man to man, but some possible items:

• Is she intelligent?
• What sort of books does she like?
• Does she like Star Wars?
• Do she share any other hobbies with me?
• Does she seem like the kind of person I would like to be friends with?

If the answer to the last one is yes, the relationship moves on to Phase 3.

3. Friends

This is when the paths mentioned in the summary begin in earnest, but they both occupy the same road. The man and woman both enjoy each others company, are generally at ease around one another, and can have fun together. There’s little tension at first, and this gives both the man and the woman a chance to see the other for who they are and to form opinions.

4. Decision

At some point during their tenure as friends, the man must decide whether he wishes to pursue the woman as a romantic interest and if so, work up the courage (or level of drunkenness) to ask her out. It’s usually better if this point comes sooner than later, for a number of reasons:

• A relationship that lingers in the friend stage can be entirely confusing if one party is unsure of the other’s intentions.
• Putting the issue to rest sooner prevents one party from developing too strong feelings too early, which if left unfulfilled may turn to resentment over time.

If the man chooses to ask her out, the woman can choose to accept the invitation and fit into the role of Romantic Interest. Alternatively, she can politely (hopefully) reject the offer, and direct the relationship onto the other path. If she needs some time to think about it, that’s fine, too. The main idea here is to define exactly how you both want to proceed.

5. Continuation

It’s at this point that the man must walk the path he’s given. If he’s on the RI path, congratulations, he’s found himself a girlfriend, and if all goes well, the relationship will progress towards marriage, and a happily ever after ending.

If not, the relationship continues towards a point where the woman is viewed as a sister. For younger women, the man is usually a protector. For older women, or women roughly the same age, this takes on more of a “close friend” or “confidante” role, where you both feel comfortable enough to share things you wouldn’t normally share with other people, but there’s no sexual tension.

In the case of the latter, it’s usually a good idea for the man to abandon the pursuit of the woman as an potential RI at that point. While it’s possible she may change her mind at a later date, it’s not likely, and there are plenty of other women out there. As I mentioned before, this is a lot easier if strong feelings of attachment haven’t been given the chance to grow. (In other words, get things straight before you get your hopes up too high.)

I should also note that not every relationship needs to be taken to the extreme ending point of “super close friend”, “paramour”, or “wife.”  You can stop along the path at any point, and stay in a stasis of sorts. Two people can remain acquaintances, casual friends, etc without progressing it at all.

Conclusion

Both outcomes can be rewarding and fulfilling, if handled with grace and care, and if the relationship is nurtured properly. One is not necessarily superior to the other, but if you’re a single guy, and in search of a romantic interest, it’s good to find out early if you’re barking up the wrong tree.

Most of this is probably common sense and happens naturally, but I enjoy breaking things down and looking at them analytically. If you took the time to read this far, let me know what you guys think.

As I’ve been listening to music on Spotify recently, if I come across one that suits a particular ballroom dance, I’ve thrown it into a playlist, which I’m offering for general consumption. These are all set to be collaborative playlists,  and they’re by no means complete, so feel free to add and edit them.

Smooth

Waltz
Tango
Foxtrot
Viennese Waltz

Standard

Waltz
Tango
Slow Foxtrot
Quickstep
Viennese Waltz

Rhythm

Cha-Cha
Rumba
Swing
Salsa/Mambo
Bolero

Latin

Cha-Cha
Rumba
Jive
Samba
Paso Doble

Misc.

West Coast Swing
Hustle

“One thing that’s been promising lately is dubstep. I, I can’t figure out how to dance to that to save my life. And that’s, that really might be what saves my life.”

Some of my favorites:

Jay Gatsby --  F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby

Count Dracula -- Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Elizabeth Bennett -- Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice

A few other great posts:

Aphrodite -- Greek Goddess of Love
Daenerys Targaryen -- George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire
Dorian Gray -- Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray
Edmond Dantes -- Alexandre Dumas’ The Count of Monte Cristo
Howard Roark -- Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead
Hurricane Irene
Lucrezia Borgia -- Daughter of Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI (Wikipedia Link)
Pokémon

A phenomenal cover of the Skyrim bard’s song “The Dragonborn Comes” as well as the main theme.

I highly recommend:

Soundhound: Similiar to Shazam, in that it will search for a song’s information after recording a clip. Super useful if you’re an audiophile who likes to know the artist, title, album, and every other piece of info about a track you like. Or if you’ve just got a song stuck in your head and need to know what it is.

SwiftKey X Keyboard: This app adds a keyboard that vastly improves on the default Android keyboard. I’ve been using this app for a while (Amazon had it a while back as a free one-day promotion.

Minecraft -- Pocket Edition: Fans of the hit desktop game should enjoy the portability of this world-creation game.

Great Little War Game: A small-scale 3D RTS game. It reminds me of Advance Wars for the GBA. Those were the good ol’ days…

It looks like they’re doing this for 10 days, with different apps each day, so check back for new deals.

For example, the first tip is “Go exploring.” The best thing you can do is to start locally. Have you been to every restaurant in your town? How about that small trinket shop on the corner that you never knew was there before? Some other simple possibilities:

1. Go to the library and grab a book from a section you don’t normally browse. (If you’re a science fiction fan, get a mystery. If you’re usually into romance, grab a history book. Give something new a spin. Oh, and for the love of all that is good and holy in the world, stay away from this.)

2. Take a look at your local newspaper, or keep your eyes on a community bulletin board—Panera Breads and coffee shops usually have something. There’s likely a lot more activities around your area than you realize. You’ll likely things like special festivals or classes to take to learn a skill (e.g. pottery classes at an art gallery).

I’d say the only tip from the article that I would tweak would be #6. I agree that you don’t want to be arrogant, as it’s a large turn-off for most people. However, as you go exploring and gain new skills and experiences, you’re bound to develop a good dose of confidence. This is perfectly OK, and should be harnessed. Confident people are the the ones that most people look up to.

The trick, though, is keeping your level of confidence paced with your skills/experience. If your confidence outpaces your skills, you appear arrogant. Too little confidence though, and you appear weak and inferior. Keep the proper balance, while always growing your experiences, and you’ll end up the most interesting man in the world.

I still think it looks like Jesus.